"Plumber Speak"

I got my first lesson in proper plumbing vocabulary today. It was given to me by an old guy at Home Depot who was NOT happy with my description of the parts inside my toilet.

As I explored my malfunctioning toilet tank today, I discoverd that the whole contraption had been held together by a twisty-tie. That's right... the kind found on bread bags. I'm no plumber (made very clear by Home Depot plumber expert), but I'm pretty sure that twisty-tie was not part of the original design.

Plumber Speak lesson #1, as taught to me by the disgruntled plumber now working at Home Depot: Don't ever tell a plumber that the inner workings of your toilet were held together by a twisty tie. It won't make him happy, even if you aren't the one who put it there.

For the record, this is the first time I've ever had to reach my hands down into that scary (supposedly clean) water in the back of my toilet to try to figure out how it works and what is broken.  In case you have never had the pleasure, let me explain:

The "flusher" is hooked to a "chain" that pulls up on a "plastic thing" which pulls up on the "plug", allowing the water to rush down out of the tank and into the bowl to flush everything down.

Plumber Speak lesson #2, in Home Depot plumber's own words: "It's not a 'plug'. A 'plug' is used to stop things up. It's called a 'flapper'."

Oh. Silly me.

Plumber Speak lesson #3: If you're not a plumber, don't use plumber speak (even though you are frustrating the old man by not using it). When I tried explaining my problem using the word "flapper, and then asked if he understood, he said "Being a plumber for over 26 years, I have to laugh at the way you are describing it."

Eventually he gave up on this hopeless plumbing student and just gave me the part I needed. I took it gratefully and went home to fix my toilet. Turns out, I just had to pop one "flapper" off and pop the new one on.

So, 1 hour, $5, and a full session of plumber speak lessons later, my toilet is as good as new.